What is it That Touches You So?

18. Write about what's most often on your mind.

Hmm...right now I'm usually thinking about Lydia and my job. I'm having a tough time deciding whether to go back to work full-time, or to continue working only part-time. I really, really, really want to spend as much time as possible with my daughter - I want to be the one who raises her, sees all her "firsts", teaches her new things. I don't want someone else doing that for me (I can barely stand leaving Lydia for 6 hours, 3 days a week!

But, at the same time, it would be nice to have more of a cushion money-wise. Right now, I make enough working at the preschool and teaching piano lessons to help out with the bills. Unfortunately, it's not as much as I was making when I worked at Family Infant Home Care. We can't go out to the movies, or out to eat (as much), or just buy random things (like clothes, movies, etc.) whenever we like. We have to plan for it. I budget how much I can spend on groceries each week. We've been thinking about getting another car (one for Brian), but we won't be able to manage the monthly car payments right now. We make enough to live comfortably and put money in savings, but not enough to live somewhat "extravagantly". Which is why I am considering a full-time job.

There have been many pluses to budgeting, however, which I never thought there would be. Brian and I have learned that we don't need those "extra/random" things when we go to Wal-Mart or Target - no one NEEDS to buy more movies, clothes you may never wear, more toys for Lydia, etc. You learn the difference between what you NEED and what you WANT. We've also learned that it's just better all around that we don't go out to eat as often. It's nice having a private family dinner at home, around our dinning room table. And, although I am no health-freak with food, my meals are home cooked, which always makes them "healthier". I've also learned watching how much I spend at HEB each week has taught me that I shouldn't have been spending over $100 each week on food! I go through my cupboards and freezer so that I'm not buying extra. And, I don't need all those extra snacks lying around the house, tempting me.

We are able to go out to eat every once in awhile (like when I'm worn out and don't feel like cooking), and I can go out and buy a new t-shirt or jeans, or Lydia new shoes, when I plan for it. Brian can stop off at the gas station on his way home and pick up a snack or two, or get his favorite breakfast burritos. We have everything we need and don't really need much more. Lydia definitely doesn't need more toys or clothes, and neither do I. 

I would love to have that extra cushion of money each month, but at the same time, I would love to spend more time with my daughter. Lydia means everything to me. As long as she has everything she needs to make her happy and healthy, we're good. You don't need lots of money to be happy.