As a first time mom, I love getting advice from just about everyone. My sister, Leah, had worked with infants for about 5 years by the time Lydia was born. She was chock full of information on how to feed, diaper, and make a schedule for your infant. My mom, a mother of 6 kids, knew a lot about babies, as well. Although, she claims, she forgot how "tough" they are...she only remembers the good parts. I read up about babies in What To Expect books, I bought Suppernanny's baby how-to book, I am constantly on babycenter.com reading how other moms are dealing with their babies. So, despite being a first time mom, I was, I thought, a prepared first time mom. I had tons of support from my family on how to deal with anything from crying, nursing, diapering, the proper way to hold a baby - everything. Leah had her opinions on how to handle a fussy baby, while my mom had hers.
It's been a little over 9 months since Lydia was born. Despite my ability to allow Lydia to suck on a pacifier that fell on the floor (without cleaning it first) and allowing her to try all types of table foods (from pancakes to French Fries), I still find myself a "paranoid", "controlling" first time mom. When I send Lydia off to BSF, I pack a list of instructions for her teachers and my mom on when to feed her, how much, and any other specific directions I have. When I leave her with my mom for a few hours, I always give detailed instructions on what Lydia needs and when she needs it, and how to go about giving it to her. I stress about her getting enough food now that she's refusing to nurse and refuses most formula bottles. I get upset when she gets hurt. I still immediately pick her up if she starts fussing. When Lydia's not with me, I stress about how she's doing and if she's behaving. And recently, I'm stressing about her diaper rash (something she never had when she was younger).
I'm proud of myself, as a first time mom, for not stressing too much about the little things - such as, I buy used clothes, use hand-me-downs, buy used toys and strollers, etc. I let Lydia eat Sherbet, French Fries, Cinnamon graham crackers, etc. But, at the same time, I'm still your typical first time mom. The other day, Lydia was being fussy and making me frustrated. Leah took her from me, which caused Lydia to scream. I tried taking her from Leah, but Leah said "She's okay"....and, of course, eventually got Lydia settled down. Hearing her fuss and cry still makes me upset. I can't go to sleep without checking on Lydia several times first. I constantly turn the monitor up a little louder, so I can hear Lydia. I pull the car over to get Lydia her pacifier when she starts screaming in the car and we're by ourselves.
I love mommy-hood. I just wonder if I'll be this paranoid and stressed over my next child, or children. Will I always be worried about my "babies", does that ever go away? How will I react when Lydia goes to Kindergarten? When she starts driving?! Mommy-hood has it's wonderful benefits, but also it's downside - stress and worry!
No comments:
Post a Comment